GOOD ADVICE

ANXIETY IS AN EMOTION, NOT A MANDATE

Some people don't recognize commitment anxiety as an emotion that will pass with time. Instead, they see it as a mandate to flee from the relationship. They don't always know they are anxious; they only know that "something is wrong." They feel unhappy. They may have stomach upsets, headaches, palpitations, or a pervasive sense of dread; they may even feel weak in the knees. Typically instead of sitting with the discomfort and figuring it out, we tend to want to run away from both the feeling and the person who we blame for inducing the feeling--i.e., the significant other. We want to do something--anything--to get away from the way we feel when we are anxious. Often the things we do trying to escape anxiety creates even more problems and more anxiety.

Anxiety, like any other emotion, can't control you unless you let it. You have a choice. Relationship anxiety is simply an emotional response to a situation that is inherently scary: Getting genuinely close to another human being. Don't assume that your anxiety is a "sign" that you are making a mistake.

From GETTING TO COMMITMENT: Overcoming the 8 Greatest Obstacles to Lasting Connection
by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol

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